Interview with Bicycle Pubes: Mystery, Mischief & MS Paint

Every industry needs its Banksy. But more than most, cycling does. Cycling is a two-sided space: those who make and those who buy. For those of us in the latter group, we have no voice. Sure, we can take to Twitter or Instagram and scream things like "rear suspension on gravel makes no sense" but our voices are quickly shunned and censored by the powers that be.

Enter Bicycle Pubes: the Banksy we all need. The guy who stands up and tells the bigwigs, "Hey, those ultra-wide drops are plain stupid. Can't you see that?" Like Banksy, we don't know who Bicycle Pubes is, and this is part of his allure. A masked, unknown figure looking out for us average joes. He asks the tough questions of the industry with his unique style of art—no holds barred.

Even though he is an enigma, I embarked on the mission of finding him, which was no easy feat. It started on the dark web, led me to a back alley in a undisclosed location, and eventually to a riddle that led me to his email address on his website. It was a perilous journey, but it may have been worth the risk to uncover the mystery. Was I successful? I'm not sure, but I leave it up to you, the reader, to answer that question. Read on.

Who is Lamar aka Bicycle Pubes aka BeePee?!

The motivation behind Bicycle Pubes all comes from random shit-talkings between friends regarding many things cycling-related. What started as a parody art account (where the gag was that I was bad at art) slowly turned into a comedy account because of my neverending need to practice stand-up comedy without actually ever having to get in front of a crowd of people. Mix that need with my joy of dick and fart jokes and you have a recipe for whatever the fuck it is I'm doing.

But personally, I am just a guy. I was once thought to be a part of the bicycle industry, but I'm “industry-adjacent” at best. Just a dude with a patchy beard who enjoys snack breaks more than the ride itself.

Why “pubes”?

The name stems from another artist in the bicycle industry with the first name of “Bicycle” and was created in a day-drinking environment. I know that's cryptic, but going into any further detail would be boring and stupid, so my shortened answer is that the word pubes is very, very funny. It also pads expectations for anyone coming by to see what I'm up to. Its hard to take pubes too seriously.

What post was it that really made you think, “Hmm I have something here”?

My first post to get a lot of attention was my post about Paul stems. It was just a rectangle with paul on the side, rudimentary (am I using that word correctly?!) on purpose as a gentle dig at the rough-around-the-edges CNC'd nature of a Paul stem. I believe the team at Paul, including Uncle Paul himself, caught wind and started following.

But, cycling is serious stuff...

Fuck yeah it is! We got seatposts that go up/down and shifters and derders that go beep boop. We got crankwhirlies that tell you how much you're whirling. We've got gravel races that cost $300 to enter, tall bike jousting, bike polo and brakeless fixed gear fat bikes and penny farthings. So it's all pretty fucking silly.

I try to mock everyone equally, whether that's the triathlete weighing every gram of food/gear or the barista who meticulously hung $2,000 worth of parts on a 1989 Hard Rock

I try to mock everyone equally, whether that's the triathlete weighing every gram of food/gear or the barista who meticulously hung $2,000 worth of parts on a 1989 Hard Rock while competing in the battle of who could care the least (that's right, ben folds ref ftw). Within every discipline of cycling there is someone doing something that is worthy of ribbing. I certainly fall into one of those categories and deserve equal treatment. No one is safe.

Are you an artist?

I have a degree in graphic design and I pray that I never have to tell a former professor what I'm up to. I decided to be a graphic designer when I was a sophomore in high school and continued to want that for my future up until my last year in college. By then it was too late, I was tired of college and wanted to be done. Got my diploma, got jobs outside of graphic design and proceeded with life. My job leaves my creative side lacking and perhaps that's part of the reason I started doing Bicycle Pubes.

I'm as much an artist as one of those elephants that does paintings. We recognize it as art but we all know it sucks assholes and that elephant needs to go back to just being an elephant.

Can you walk us through your creative process?

Most of the time I don't force it. I just wait until I see something cycling-related that I find irritating or interesting, and then I'll make some sweet art about it. I have MS Paint and the ability to copy/paste free stock images from the internet, so I'm pretty much unstoppable, unless what I'm trying to draw needs lots of detail, then I'm stoppable as fuck. Other times I'm just feeling bored and annoying, and that's usually when I start posting about Tootsie Rolls or Chevy Luminas.

If you could change one thing about the industry, what would it be?

I feel like every bike shop could benefit from also being a sandwich shop. I've never seen a bicycle sandwich shop and that sucks. So if I could change one thing, it would be to force every local bike shop to also be a sandwich shop—forcing them to invest in equipment and safety inspections that would undoubtedly put financial strain and immense stress on the owners. Sandwiches at your LBS though? Worth it.

What is the process to qualify for the annual BP awards?

To qualify, you must exist. There are no other qualifications. Sometimes, NOT existing wins you an award, like that one time Sick Bicycles took home the award for best bike (the slide was blank lol got em). There are things that increase your chances of winning a Pubey. Things like unpainted clearly homemade bike parts, unnecessary titanium bits, extremely long chainstays, or being Pengy (all hail).

Then there are times when I build the award around the brand. Like when I awarded Surly the Award For Outstanding Achievement In The World Of Putting Track Ends On Everything. Or like next year, when I was Bike Gear Database the Award For Outstanding Overlap With Radavist Coverage (lol fukn got you good).

What's the biggest reaction you've had to your art?

Oh, there have been many. Lets list a few:

When Don Walker was forced to say “Bicycle Pubes” into a microphone at 2019 NAHBS in Sacramento after my collaboration bike with Petor of Dear Susan Bicycles won an award.

The terrible portrait of Greg Lemond that I drew in my early days. Heard from a friend of his that he saw it and enjoyed it, still not sure what to think about that, it was really bad.

I made a post about At The Drive-In being better than The Mars Volta and Jim Ward showed up to tell us that all music is beautiful.

One of my first posts was a math equation of cross check + money + smell your own farts = richard sachs bike. It was a little bit mean and I figured if he ever saw it he wouldn't like it, but he ended up loving it, and now Richard and I communicate through MS Paint drawings on Instagram stories. Totally gonna convince him to build me a disc brake bike because we are best friends now, you'll see. You'll ALL see.

You made a fundraiser to buy Kona recently. What would you do with it?

Eliminate 80% of the SKUs. Only the Units and the Dews survive the cut. I also introduce the Dewnit, which is a Unit with Rivendell-length chainstays. I re-introduce the Kona A, the single speed full suspension, with slightly updated geometry. I make the Wah Wah pedals hilariously big.

Once I regain the cult following that Kona once had, I will then pivot the business into an aluminum siding company, make billions, and live out the rest of my days on the moon in my moon cabin.

Get in on the fundraiser here.

When does Bicycle Pubes The Movie come out?

Oh it's been out forever. It's called Jingle All The Way, which is loosely based off of my life.

Thanks, Lamar.

Check out Bicycle Pubes on Instagram and buy some stuff on the BP website.